Productivity: The Zombie Way
Slow then fast. A guide to Zombie Thinking
Note: Don’t like reading? The Podcast audio is at the end of the story.🫡
You. I see you. You are Zombie. Slow Zombie. Fast Zombie. I see you, Zombie. Zombies are cool! “But zombies are dead!” you cry. “I don’t wanna be a zombie!” Awww, look at you point-of-fact-ing and well-actually-ing me, as though zombies are real. Zombie is a state of BEING, not a state of body. Trust me, I see you and you are Zombie so own it. Be #ZombieProud and #ZombieStrong and Zombie yourself all over the place because the Zombification of your thinking is a good thing.
First Slow Zombie, then Fast Zombie. Both. All Zombie. Zombie is a collective. To be Zombie is to be highly focused. Eyes on the prize. MMMMMMmotivated. Yin/Yang, KABAM! Slow fast go. This way to the brains.
I am Zombie and I see Zombie in you. This is how I know.
You are presented with a creative problem. A deadline blinks on the horizon. Time, they say, is of the essence. Non-Zombie normos will “Get right on it, licketly split!” and burst out of doorways in a rush to go look directly at the sun for their inspiration1. This is not your way. This is not the Zombie way. No.
To the outside observer, Zombie you doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything at all right now.2 It’s infuriating. The day is dribbling away, the deadline sits fat and unmoving on the horizon and yet there Zombie is, shuffling along staring at the ground, seemingly dormant. Nothing but a decaying daydreamer gazing at dirt. That outside observer can draw but one conclusion—you are dead inside.
Fool! You have never been more alive. Welcome to the Slow Zombie state.
Slow Zombie is a deceiving state and is one of contemplative rest and unmindful thought toasting. Some folks—perhaps even yourself—cruelly call this state procrastinating. So negative! Relax. You are Zombie and Slow Zombie is the most powerful state in all Zombiedom.
FACT: one way to find brains is to not actively seek brains. Let brains come around a blind corner and bump into you. Let them bubble their way into your periphery as you shuffle through the internet, or clean out the fridge, or doodle lightning bolts in your notebook3. (NOTE: Always jot down random half-baked thoughts should they strike in this time.) Slow Zombie state gives you time to digest all the grey matter at hand. To let all that information—those brainwaves, inputs, bullet points—rot down to a rich and steaming fertilizer. Slow Zombie practice passive ideation. Or to put it another way, you don’t need to look directly at the sun to know it’s there—you can feel it on your skin. Your desiccated, Zombie-ass skin.
You are by no means dead, my friend. You are not procrastinating. You are just thinking.
When the thought fertilizer stinks enough, your inner Fast Zombie will catch a whiff and from that point on it’s “get out the way or get yerself bit” time. The speed at which Fast Zombie move, particularly if the deadline is RIGHT THERE, is brain-boggling. Zombie zoomies all over the shop. It is an eruption of creativity, with pure, motivated movement and focused production to hit a deadline that you could’ve hit three days ago if you weren’t a Zombie thinker. It is both frightening and magnificent.
You are Zombie. Own it. Zombie thinkers are Zombie doers. Sure, others will get frustrated with Zombie states but that’s a problem of perception, not conception. You’ll get frustrated with it too because there’ll never be enough time allocated to quality Slow Zombie time, but groan and get on with it. All Zombie thrive on the ticking of deadline clocks, bubbling in their thinky-time to burst from the surface with a POP! of juicy inspiration when the time is right.
Normos will try squash you and your Zombie ways, but just keep on Zombieing. Be slow, then fast. Go for the goal. Reach for the prize. Your hunger to make things—to eat all the brains—will be insatiable so keep coming and coming, again and again, you relentless thing. Do try to avoid becoming a full-tilt Zombie Fire that’s been hiding in a log all season then erupts to burn everything down4, but do rough-guide the Zombie Fire playbook aka Periods of inactivity (thinking), followed by periods of activity (doing).
Slow. Fast. Then eat the whole world.
Nick Cave (renowned Aussie Zombie and world eater), said this in a recent Red Hand Files missive and it stuck with me:
I think it was one of the popes who, when asked how long he prayed each day, replied, “About ten minutes, but I spend all day thinking about it”.5
Yes. Popes are Zombie too.
Yours in tiny thought,
Janeen
This weeks’ amends…
I’ve got a natural writer’s block as big as the Ritz and as stubborn as a grease spot on a gabardine suit.
Ralph Ellison | Letter to Saul Bellow, 26 Feb 1958 | Selected Letters of Ralph Ellison
Snagged from the always great Letters of Note. The whole post has some great writer’s block quotes—peep it here. I particularly enjoyed Dorothy Parker’s “ALL I HAVE IS A PILE OF PAPER COVERED WITH WRONG WORDS” telegram.
I’ll just leave this here.
So cheeky, just rippin’. Open Culture has some more details on this performance and how this director’s cut came about.
Via Kottke
My brain can’t accept this is a real thing and all it took was some well-placed real books mixed with looks like book wallpaper, mirrors, and highly polished tiles to flip it out. Full gallery showing the interior of the Dujiangyan Zhongshuge bookstore, in Chengdu, here. The photo there that looks straight up is trippy.
Via This is Colossal.
Anyone who knows me, knows I love the concept of the “One-hour job.” These are jobs you don’t want to do for a living but would love to do for an hour. Like using a tree shaking machine, or driving a forklift. I think driving/operating a fancy lawnmower fits into this construct, which is why I chuckled when I saw that X-Box is releasing a lawnmower simulator for it. It’s not quite the same as a one-hour job in the real world, but it sure does look like they’ve lovingly recreated those machines. I suppose it’s one way to see if you can run a successful landscaping business.
Sometimes you will have to do this. This is called putting out a fire.
Zombie didn’t say anything in that meeting either and trust me it’s been noted in your file.
I also call this Noodling.
Zombie fires are perhaps one of the most terrifying things I’ve read about in a while. For real.
I tried to find the source of this Pope quote but could not. Regardless, that particular issue of Red Hand Files felt very Slow Zombie/Fast Zombie at play/work ethic.