This horse has a name and its name is…

Right-brained or left-brained? Being told by a gif is just harebrained.

Jan 23, 2023

Of course it is. None more backward. It’s as backward as. Phew! Got this one right first go, A+, distinction grade. My eyes are connecting to my perception in a very particular and plugged-in way, and this fine equine is backing up the gait like me avoiding an argument about Coldplay. Yup, aha, you betcha, that horse is a back door, I’m outta here kind of steed. I am so relieved. Why?

Because the ability to clock this gee-gee ambling in reverse means (so the fine print says), that you’re “right-brained” (that’s why you tilt your head so much), which in turn indicates that congratulations are in order (because everything is a competition these days). First past the post, right on, ride on, you’ve won the trifecta in optical illusions, my friend. You’re creative, intuitive, and sensitive as all hell. In short—an artist!

Right brain for thinking, eyes are for blinking. That rhymes and makes no sense. See how creative I am? I’m so glad the horse told me so.

And of course, the horse is walking backward because IT’S A METAPHOR for the creative life. It’s a metahorse, of course of course.

It’s a metahorse because being creative is a no-win, arse-backward pursuit with eyes-on-the-finishing post while battling the constant feeling of backing out a door and into a dark abyss while tripping on the rug or the door sill or just rocks and gnomes in the garden, while and while and while.

Being creative is a blind-faith jockey ride in sexy silks on a horse that is the odds-on favorite to reverse its way right onto the glue factory floor. That’s what art is. A ride, sucking through time, with thoughts and deeds run through the wringer of reverse on the search for source material and inspiration to find something that sticks—the glue. See what I did there? Giddy-down, horse. Giddy on back that-a-way.

The metahorse. The metaphor. The complete and utter horseshit. It’s enough to make you whinny.

Whoa, whoa, whoa up there. Tchk-chk. Whoo-up, now. [Insert some kind of reign it in pun here.] These personality tests are dumb, and while I don’t for a second believe anyone sees that horse walking forwards, that’s not going to stop me from feeling like this is a test I must pass and experiencing a feeling of relief that I did. To see that horse walking backward erased my imposter syndrome for just a second and gave me a good ol’ kick to my “saddle up and get on with it” shins.

“I passed the horse test!” Put that on a t-shirt—I’d wear it.

Why does it matter so much? Would I have flipped this desk if I’d seen it walking forwards—which, by the way, I don’t believe it does—or hurled my laptop out the window in a horsey huff? It’s “What color is this dress?”2 all over again, but this is one seriously rigged and juiced horse (seriously, it only walks backward, right?) designed to make everyone feel good. “Look, Daddy, I’m creative too!” they’ll say, donning their “I passed the horse test!” merch (coming soon to an Etsy near you), and speaking up in meetings because of it. Thanks, horse!

At least with the dress one, I didn’t give a hooty owl hoot what the result was. But this one could legitimize my existence. This is artist parking validation. I can park in this creative loading zone for the rest of my life—the moonwalking horsey told me so! Annie, are you OK? Are you OK Annie?

But why, oh why, did it have to be the backward direction that proves it, hmm? That’s the bit that’s sticking. Welcome to Overthinkers Anonymous. Let’s work the steps because I can’t stop coming back(wards) to this which is, in itself, a proof point, right? Or a hoof point? Sorry. I can’t help it—I’m CREATIVE, duh.

If you’re right-brain dominant—or so the rumor goes—you’re a sensitive soul, you’re emotional, an artist type, and a victim of backward thinking. The horse goes backward because you’re always backing away from a real job. Is that it?

Or is it saying that the beep-beep reversal through the pursuit of artistic expression symbolizes the ‘going within’, aka the retreat into past lives or thoughts or ancient spirits or some such horse puckey? The slow creep back into the darkness of yourself, that cave or memory of your past, entering with nothing but a tiny reverse light and no canary.3 A small pail to collect your night truffles. Alone. Just you on your backward horse with nothing but the clip-clop of your horsey hooves in the tunnel to keep you company. Is that it?

They shoot horses, don’t they?

Look at me, trying to be rational and logical and reading way too much into this dumb thing as though I saw the horse walking forwards at any point in this process and it made me nervous. What a goof. Of course, I see the horse walking backward because it is. It has to—to see where it has been. To evaluate the drafts and first attempts. There is no other way to see it. Side note: Don’t trip over something behind you, you stoic horse you.

Hold your horses. Why do we feel the need for validation in the first place? This isn’t an Us vs. Them, Rational vs. Creative, no-win deal. Your brain may have two hemispheres, but it creates one whole world. Never forget that. You are creative and you don’t need one-directional horse validation to keep moving. You are creative. And sometimes you’re not. Oh well. Wild horses are like that—unpredictable, uncontrollable, and very, VERY exciting.

This is to say, the horse can go whatever way you want it to. The point is to saddle up and ride. Giddy up and on back. And if that horse has been walking forwards for you this whole time, I don’t know what to tell you.

I hear accounting’s quite popular.4

This week’s amends…

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann, 1927
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Can’t be bothered reading? It’s your lucky day! Leonard Nimoy recorded it for his album “Spock Thoughts”, although he says ‘careful’ at the end instead of ‘cheerful’. Illogical! (Sorry)

The poem has an interesting history (explored here), and people’s reactions to it are all over the map in terms of it they think it’s sappy-sap-pap or a life-changing revelation. The character, Jack Sparrow, has the entire text of the poem tattooed on his back in Pirates of the Caribbean, so he’s a fan, but I think I’ll choose to classify it as: “Mostly harmless.” If you need it, it’s there, and don’t forget your towel.

But I will admit it does leave itself open to the bloodletting of a wit dagger. From the article linked at the start of this para:

Something as popular and ubiquitous as “Desiderata” begs for a parody. In 1972, 11 months after Les Crane’s LP was released, Tony Hendra, the first editor of Harvard’s National Lampoon, wrote “Deteriorata.” Hendra is best known for his role as the band manager Ian Faith in the mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap. “I remember it very clearly,” Hendra wrote to me in an e-mail exchange. “It took about an hour.”
Hendra’s parody sharply deflates Ehrmann’s aphorisms: “Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI” and “the universe is laughing behind your back.” The National Lampoon had recently secured its first album deal, so Hendra set out to create a musical parody. A young Christopher Guest wrote the music, which features a 20-year-old Melissa Manchester: “You are a fluke of the universe,” she sings.

On Rotation: “I am Coming to Paris to Kill You” by Timber Timbre

Follow The Stream On Rotation

This started out as one of those “what the hell am I watching” things, but quickly switched to “I don’t know what this is, but I love it.”

It’s from Crispin Glover's book "What It Is and How It Is Done" and was part of Crispin Hellion's Glover's Big Slide Show performances which includes performances of some of the other books he’s also written. From what I can gather, he’d get books that had fallen into the public domain and… improvise with them to create his own narrative. That’s probably the best way to put it.

From Wikipedia:

Oak-Mot and Rat Catching are featured prominently during his Big Slide Show presentation and are presented as visual art as much as written art. He constructs the books by reusing old novels and other publications that have fallen into the public domain due to their age (for example, Rat Catching was constructed from an 1896 book Studies in the Art of Rat Catching, and Oak-Mot was constructed from an 1868 novel of the same title). He rearranges text, blacks out certain standing passages, and adds his own prose (and sometimes images) into the margins and elsewhere, thus creating an entirely new story. Five of his books have been published so far, through his publishing company, Volcanic Eruptions. Other known titles include The Backward Swing and A New World.
Billow and the Rock (1983)
Rat Catching (1988)
Oak-Mot (1989)
Concrete Inspection (1990)
What it is, and How it is Done (1992)
Round My House (2016)