[GENERAL SHUFFLING UP TO A MICROPHONE SOUNDS]
SPEAKER 1:
Good afternoon hearty gentlefolk of the committee. The topic for today’s … I hesitate to call it a debate, so let’s call it what it is, a SHAMBLE … anyway, the topic today is a wicked-easy one. For me. It’s easy for me, I mean. My opponent, on the other hand, let me tell you, woof! They’ve got their work cut out for them in this hallowed chamber this morning, amirite?! The topic: Is a creative rut a rut or actually a hole? is possibly the easiest argument I’ve ever had to win. And I WILL win, for sure, youbetcha!
[CLEARS THROAT]
SPEAKER 1:
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines—and I don’t use the word “defines” here loosely my friends—defines a rut as a track worn by a wheel or by habitual passage; a groove in which something runs; CHANNEL, FURROW. Now that’s LITERALLY what it is. It then goes on to add a follow-up because it hadn’t quite finished and neither have I. It says…
[SCANS NOTES, MUMBLING: Yadda… yadda… ]
SPEAKER 1:
It says that a rut is also a usual or fixed practice, especially a monotonous one. Now, folks, just join the esteemed dictionary’s dots on those! Join them and you will plainly see that being in a creative rut simply means falling into the old wheel track left by your creative brain and getting stuck. You can’t get out.
[PAUSE]
I yield my time.
[GENERAL SHUFFLING. TAPPING OF MICROPHONE.]
SPEAKER 2:
Hello. Is this thing on? Stuck and you can’t get out, you say? Sounds like a hole to me! I yield my time back to whositsface there.
[GENERAL CROWD MURMURING]
SPEAKER 1:
It most certainly is not a hole! I just explained the whole thing clearly. There was a wagon wheel, and it made this track in the mud, and the mud sort of dried up in the heat and left this groove thing, and your wagon wheel came along and got stuck in it. When I say wagon wheel you understand, I mean your brain. In both cases. Therefore, in conclusion, ipso facto, you are stuck in a creative RUT. Your wheel simply cannot get out of it and you keep on rolling along, stuck in the rut. I mean, it’s right there in the damn definition. Are we really having this… what did I call it before…?
[LOUD SHOUT FROM BACK OF ROOM: “Shamble!”]
SPEAKER 1:
Thank you. Shamble. You cannot look past the actual, in the dictionary definition of what a rut is. And it’s is a creative rut. RUT! To now come along and say that a creative rut is a hole, well, that’s… it’s just madness. I yield my time.
[SOUND OF CRUMPLED PAPER BEING UN-CRUMPLED]
SPEAKER 2:
Hole in my sock.
[PAUSE]
Hole in my pocket.
[PAUSE]
Hole in my tooth. Hole…
[PAUSE]
In my heart.
These are common, everyday idioms. You’ve all heard them. Each of these phrases suggests a great and all-encompassing emptiness. Pain. Suffering.
Gentle people in this hall, humans all, I ask you: isn’t a creative rut simply a great gaping emptiness of spirit? AKA a HOLE! Isn’t it the vast chasm of nothingness, a sense of relentless loss of hope in the creative heart dug deep into the soil of a creative soul? Something is missing in this situation. As though all the matter has been removed. That’s not a rut. That’s not some whacky old-timey wheel stuck in a groove. No. This feeling is about as far away from “being in the groove” as you can be! To be lost to new ideas. To be bereft of spirit and stuck in a dark pit of gloom with no design visions, no inspirational words, no color, no song, no… nothing. Look up! There’s no doubt about it. See the light!? You are in a hole. A rut pfft! My esteemed opponent’s argument has more holes in it than Swiss cheese!
[GENERAL LAUGHTER]
SPEAKER 1:
It doesn’t. Stop that! If you’re in a hole doesn’t that mean you can never get out of it? You just keep digging deeper and deeper, suggesting despair and utter hopelessness. A rut, on the other hand, you can get out of. It’s a positive thing. A creative rut won’t last forever. A creative hole? Holy shit—it could rain, the hole fills with water and you DROWN!
SPEAKER 2:
Exactly! Drowning is exactly what a creative rut feels like when you’re in the hole.
SPEAKER 1:
Oh, shut your pie hole. Listen. A creative rut is rigid, sure. But like a rip current, you are struggling against the edges of it when you just need to be calm and swim sideways. Eventually, the mud will dry up and your wheel will come free!
SPEAKER 2:
Sideways? Wouldn’t you need to move forward to get out of the rut?
SPEAKER 1:
It’s a metaphor.
SPEAKER 2:
Well, this whole thing’s a metaphor and you’ve dug quite the hole for yourself, haven’t you? Plenty of holes in your argument! Ha! Look, I’m not arguing about the definition of what a rut is. I’m just saying a creative rut sounds like the endless exposure to the darkness of the creative void—or as I’ve said, being in a hole. And here’s why the hole definition is better. It gives you the good grace to sit in your own creative and boring stink. The monotonous. The dull. Sit in the damn hole and take a good hard look at yourself.
And that’s where the benefit of a hole comes in. All you have to do is yell up from out of the hole and ask for a hand to get out. A rut? Not likely. Ruts give you a false sense of security. Because you think there’s a chance you can get out yourself, you get stubborn and never ask for a hand. You’re stuck forever thinking your old ways will keep working. A hole? One good rope or ladder and whammo, you’re out and on clean dry land again. A rut? Your wheel’s still clogged with gunk and you’ve been pushed in this dumb direction and away from where you wanted to go by a stupid groove in the ground! It’s insanity! Don’t you get it? Yield?
SPEAKER 1:
But it’s LITERALLY called A CREATIVE RUT! You can’t just redefine a rut as a hole because you like the metaphor better. Do you just ignore stop lights because you think the red should be Drunk-Tank Pink?
SPEAKER 2:
Well, that’s just dumb. Red is the color with the longest wavelength, so it can…
[SOUND OF GAVEL HITTING WOOD THREE TIMES]
MODERATOR:
Enough. I think we’ve heard enough. I have the floor.
First, I want to thank you both for coming to this month’s town hall meeting and taking advantage of your allotted—and the whole town’s allotted—speaking time during the open floor session. I think we can all agree that we haven’t experienced such spirited community involvement since Choco Bill argued for the introduction of Piranhas to the frog pond as a tourist enhancement.
[GENERAL MURMURING]
MODERATOR:
Now, to your rut issue. I, and the other members of the committee, have listened patiently to your arguments here today and have been impressed by the points scored on both sides. And as everyone knows, the purpose of today’s meeting was to vote on the petition for the removal of the haunted Wishing Well on Maple Avenue, so I hope that you will carry your passion for important issues to the voting booths on your way out.
[SIGHS]
MODERATOR:
In the meantime, we’ve come to the united agreement that the term “Creative Rut” will forever be changed to “Creative Window” within town limits, since we rather like the idea of the open and shut case. That was a window joke!
[SPOTTY LAUGHTER]
MODERATOR:
But seriously, we were listening and sliding notes to each other up here and we all agreed that both a rut and hole are a bit depressing, but a window can be both positive and negative because you control it. Feel like you’re in a Creative Window? Keep it closed for deep, reflective thought, then simply open it when you need fresh ideas. And if the window ever gets stuck you can just smash the glass. It’s just common sense!
Now while I am aware that neither of you was expecting this outcome, we will now consider this issue RESOLVED. That adjourns this month’s town meeting. Minutes will be available as soon as Mrs. O’Donoghue can type them up with her arthritis being what it is. She will also be running off a new definition of this idiom to send on to the good folks at the Oxford Dictionary—the committee’s dictionary of choice—and the Merriam-Webster people too, and whomever else needs to know. Advertising schools, probably.
[GAVEL BANGS ONCE, LOUDLY]
MODERATOR:
Adjourned! I’ll see you at the bar. Or failing that, Lee-Ann’s community puppy christening.
Yours in tiny thought,
Janeen
This week’s amends…
“Being popular and well liked is not in your best interest. […] If you behave in a manner pleasing to most, then you are probably doing something wrong. The masses have never been arbiters of the sublime, and they often fail to recognize the truly great individual. Taking into account the public’s regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent on you to not fit in.”
- Janeane Garofalo
Via this profile in the NYT (although the quote is originally from her book with Ben Stiller).
Cover of the Week / On Rotation: “I’m on Fire” by Electrelane
The Smile and Peaky Blinders. What’s not to love if you’re a fan of both?
Via The Smile
“A new study has found an association between nap frequency with high blood pressure and stroke.”
But…but… I love naps!1
Via Boing Boing
Did any of this spark a tiny thought of your own?
Also, I want that bucket hat back!
You are wildly inventive