If you didn’t read the post “Introduction to Squirrel Math: Art is Nuts” I will read it to you, dramatically and enthusiastically, below. 👇
Reading commences as soon as you hit play. Enjoy!
Notes from the Captain
🫡 Out of respect for those with allergies, there are no nuts aboard this vessel. What was that? No. I refuse your snide remark and implication as to my state of sanity. I stab you with my epipen. Now, where was I?
Squirrels are feisty little rodents with four teeth and they’re very good at one thing: collecting and caching nuts. And getting run over. Ok, two things. And looking cute. Ah, three. They also make noises outside my window that for the longest time I thought were made by a bird but aren’t. I must apologize to the bird I was blaming because, holy shit, have you heard a squirrel shriek?
But. Squirrel math. This is about squirrel math. I’m not going to talk about my rationale for inventing it or for creating Roy “Nuts” Ballinger—the squirrel nut hero of my story—because I do that in the video.
A video which is, by my calculations (that’s human calculations, not squirrel), longer than normal but WORTH THE WATCH.
But maybe not during a lunch break. It’s too long for a lunch break. Treat yourself, perhaps? Put it on the big screen and watch it tonight with a glass of wine. Or sparkly water. Or a pint of ice cream.
I have also included some supplemental material below. Peruse at your leisure.
But for now…
Collect nuts.
Make nuts.
Go nuts.
But keep both cashews and pistachios away from me, thanks. They are related to poison oak and if you know me at all, you’ll know my opinions on that stupid plant. Let’s not end on negative and oozy itch.
Hmmm…
I love you, my crew of little nut butters! There. That’s butter. Um… better.
See you on the high seas,
Your Captain, Janeen 🫡
Thangs from this episode…
👩✈️ Let’s get squirrely
As I mentioned, squirrels do not make the noises you think they do. And by you, I probably only mean me. They don’t make the noises I thought they did.
They can chirp like a birdie (sort of).
And sometimes they bark (and make other assorted noises).
Sciuridae. I struggled in the video with saying that correctly, even after I listened to this video multiple times. 👇
I mentioned my Aussie friend, the Squirrel Glider, which is actually a possum and not a squirrel. Go learn.
Ah, my antipodean brethren. Monotreme action to follow!
👩✈️ Most Interesting Man / Chuck Norris / Tim
One of my original ideas for the writing style of the Squirrel Math piece was to get facts about Roy “Nuts” Ballinger to follow a phrasal template like The World’s Most Interesting Man advertisements, or the Chuck Norris memes. I didn’t end up doing that (I explain why in the video) but here are some background tidbits on those two topics.
If you are unfamiliar for the oeuvre of Mr. Charles Norris, here’s a top ten of Chuck moments video.
👩✈️ The Illuminati Headquarters
The Illuminati HQ (referenced it today’s episode) is rumored to be in the Denver airport. Turns out the Denver airport is a hotbed of conspiracy theories, and let me tell you that if I sense the words ‘lizard people’ anywhere in the vicinity, I am immediately on high alert and interested. I click.
A Towering, Terrifying Demon Horse Isn’t Even the Weirdest Part - NYT
Is the Denver Airport Really Controlled by the Illuminati? - Popular Mechanics
👩✈️Deez Nuts
Throwing the phrase “Deez Nuts” into conversation is designed to mess up a conversation. I’m not going to get into the meaning of it—that’s what google is for! Oh, but OK. Brief overview.
Deez nuts is an expression used to deliberately interrupt or divert a conversation. It is not a literal reference to testicles; rather it is used figuratively to disrupt and show disrespect to whatever discussion is currently occurring.
- Dictionary.com slang entry
Sure. It’s not about testicles at all. Never. NO!
“The first known usage of deez nuts comes from the Chronic, a 1992 album by Dr. Dre (the actual track is spelled “Deeez Nuuuts”). The song begins with a phone call between a man and a woman. After a short back-and-forth between the two, the man suddenly shouts “Deez nuts!”
Fun fact: A 15-year old boy ran for president under the pseudonym “Deez Nuts” in 2016.
A Deez Nuts parody (of sorts.)
People’s Court gets hit with Deez Nuts
Ok. I’ll stop now. Or will I?
👩✈️A classic Starbucks ad from the early noughties
In honor of Roy “Nuts” Ballinger, let me close on what must’ve been a good ad because I remembered it from when it aired (2005). It was the first thing that came to mind when searching for video snippets using the name Roy. I completely forgot that Glenn was the hero and Roy was just the button.
Thanks for listening/watching and sharing this week. If you want to chat about any of the concepts in this week’s post—or just in general—feel free to leave a comment for the Captain (it me.)
Meantime: Do. Make. Be.
Ask for help if you need it.
I’ll see you out there.
🫡
Shameless Podcast Plug
Listen to audio versions of early issues of The Stream on my podcast, Field of Streams, available on 👉 all major podcasting platforms 👈
Here’s Apple
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