Singular Humanity: Approved Modifications to Accommodate a Better Life
A heart, mind, and soul expansion guide for humans in training.
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As per the repeated requests from fault-ridden humans encased in a miasma of doubt, uncertainty, and sadness, please find attached a partial list of approved (and highly recommended) modifications to/for your humanity.
Humanity herein is defined as: an individual’s ability to not be a dick and give generously and freely of compassion, sympathy, empathy and all that good shit.
The collective humanity—aka humankind, the human race etc.—remains in an “Oh, the humanity!” state and will not be directly addressed in this document. It remains very much up in the air. Individual humans in training should note, however, that expansion of the singular creates expansion of the whole. That is to say that singular stretching benefits all. Or so the theory goes.
The three areas of internal work as outlined below create the foundation of your growth—what is known as the Autonomous Reverential Triad of HU, or ARTHUR for short (Word.) True expansion of ARTHUR can be achieved by repeated collection of points or training of fundamental elements to accommodate more ARTHUR.
To grow, to expand, to thrive. Abundance!
“Just as the nostril can expand to accommodate the matchstick, so too the heart, mind, and soul can expand to accommodate humanity. Word.” - a Monk on a mountain (Probably.)
Light that match, stretch those nostrils—let’s set fire to your potential.
Begin.
1. Heart Expansion Basics
Pumping as a motor in the quiet engine room of your life’s chassis, the heart—in its quintessential and aspired-to state—is described in the ancient ARTHUR-ic texts as poetry.
Poems meander and roam, extending their range beyond simple words on a page to explore the ceaseless galaxies of emotion and general humanistic vibery to unlock the subtleties of beat way-finding.
In simple terms—to expand to its full potential your heart must become, in essence, a poem.
Guidance provided herein is guaranteed to increase width/girth/general waist measurements of this organ. For those requiring some kind of metric by which to track their progress, heart expansion is measured in units of loveitude (n) State of bliss attitude encompassing love and emotion and expressed in serenity vibes and occasional rhyme.
For example:
I love you
Yes, I do
It is true
You are my boo.
- ARTHURian Apprentice Human
An individual’s possession of units of loveitude is limitless, expanding as a universe does to the very edge of perceived existence.
As a poem.
As a poet.
Word.
A gigantic, jumbo, mega-heart (large, expansive, and capable of acceptance and love), is the end goal of a lifetime for each individual. The following daily actions are provided as recommended expansion exercises developed to modify the heart’s existing condition. Those with small, somewhat atrophied hearts; hearts that clench like fists; and wayward hearts a’driftin’ should find solace and hope in the application of this practice.
Exercise 1: Stanza Openers (30 minutes minimum, 3 sets per day)
Also known as Sun Sets, these openers encompass both the rise and the set, and everything in between and outside of. We’re talking nature. All of it. Be in it. Above, below, and in front. Word. Get in a comfortable position. Absorb using senses. Hear every flap of the bird’s wing as it flits past your ear. Feel the string of the earth pulling at the center of your back in anticipation of forward propulsion. Smell the bustle of busy grass, thick with creatures. Look to the world. Expand your heart with the poetry of a planet.
Exercise 2: Socialization Couplets (cumulative, 1 hour)
Connect with friends, lovers, family, and even strangers on for a chat. Touch and feel and talk and be. Call and breathe and wonder and think. Who is this? Where are they going? How do they feel? Do they need help? How can I help? If physical presence is not possible, use memory sparks. Visualize opening aortic gates to allow expansion of the organ by flooding with feeling. Twitch the chest to increase real estate of the ribs to allow for increased volume.
Exercise 3: Rhythmical Rhyming Sets (5 minutes every hour, minimum)
Sounds, songs, celebrations, laughter. You must make your own rhymes. Open the left ventricle to allow for the flow of sonic tremulations from your ears and straight through and to your mellow center. Find the beat of it. Listen. Speech rivers, sobbing winds, the sound of soft voices in far-off rooms, low tones and warm honeyed sighs. These are sonic symphonies and sympathies, waiting to be written. Pump up the volume of your understanding. Find the beats. Set the meter. Poetry slam that ticker!
NOTE: The Guinness World Record for the biggest heart is currently held by the Blue Whale at a whopping 440 pounds (199.5 kilograms). The empathy must be overwhelming.
2. Mind Expansion Principles
The human mind’s impulse is to wander as a puppy, as a cat, as a toddler in a supermarket. It desires to place its mind hands upon everything—to touch, to fling open, to stick a finger in a warm fruit pie just to see how that feels.
Conversely, it is prone to becoming a shut in, severing all ties with logic, acceptance, and curiosity. Doors slam. Holes are dug deep within psyches to hide one’s thinking inside of. The mind pulls down the shades and shrinks as an orange consumed by blue mold in the compost bin of life.
The desired state is PI—p-i—defined as the pursuit of an infinite and infinitely open mind. This mind expands to roam freely in the landscapes of this philosophical world, seeking inputs, information, and general plugged-in-ery. There are no closed doors in an open mind. The PI-state is also described in the ancient ARTHUR-ic texts as the Free Bird state. (No relation to the song).
By following the basic principles, one may expand the scope, range, and traveling distance of one’s mind.
Remember this:
A wandering mind is not lost.
A wandering mind seeks.
A wandering mind is free.
Open your mind.
The following ongoing actions are provided as rudimentary mind expansion techniques designed to modify its existing condition and expand possibilities. Those stuck behind or with their hand tethered to a closed door should find release in these actions.
Action 1: PI Eating Contests (x3 weekly)
Life is more than just biting into crisp apples. One must try all the pie to achieve the PI-state (aka infinite enlightenment.) Taste can only be enhanced and refined by absorbing more tastes. Eating pie you don’t like? Consider the desired audience of that pie. Allow them to enjoy that pie. Shut your pie hole. Feel your mind expand with the infinite bliss of all flavors, whether it be coconut crème, key lime, or pecan. Get off the apple prairie and onto the board of a Chess pie. Remember: There is always room for PI/pie.
Action 2: Curiosity Crunches (100)
Double-up your mind to fold it in upon itself. Jackknife it at the dividing line between understanding and confusion. Look at the feet of the issue at hand. What is it? How is it connected to you? Does it require attention? Why does it look the way it does? Is it jammed too tightly in the shoes of society? Do you need to loosen the laces of perception to accept it as it is: there. Crunch the numbers, the situation, the understanding. Intellectual Six Packs are made in the kitchen of the mind.
Action 3: Consciousness Wriggles (ongoing)
Awareness of the self is the bedrock of mind expansion. To perform a consciousness wriggle, one must focus on the individual components of the mind’s function and perception of self. This can be achieved by the continual repetition of a series of questions designed to domino on and toward awareness of the nothingness of self. Which is everything. The correct and frequent application of consciousness wriggles will trigger a whoa sound. Word.
Questions include:
Why am I here?
What am I?
Why am I this way?
How does how I am impact others?
Am I harmful?
Am I good?
Am I the bad guy?
How do I feel about me?
What is consciousness?
Am I existing or do I exist?
You know. That sort of stuff.
NOTE: According to the Guinness World Records, the heaviest human brain ever recorded weighed 2,850 grams (6 pounds, 4.5 ounces). An open mind has nothing to do with weight, which is why all the pie is perfectly OK.
3. Soul Strengthening Guidelines
Every day is leg day for the soul. Souls lift heavy in order to stay light. One more set, one more plate, one more day, equals an entire lifetime of spiritual levitation.
Modifying the soul by expanding its capacity to lift heavy while staying light is essential to the wellbeing of the human. The soul can become despondent and weary if not fed or exercised correctly. Enlightenment is another kilogram on the barbell of existence, lifted to heavens on the wings of experience and fed by the continual consumption of various soul nurturing proteins.
Word.
There is much debate as to what the soul weighs. Again, weight is not important here. How much can a soul lift? This is the only metric worth measuring. We are happy to report that the soul is capable of lifting way more than 21 grams, and in fact can be trained to overhead press the equivalent of one’s own body weight in troubles and stress without the assistance of performance enhancing stimulants.
Follow these guidelines throughout your lifetime to modify and adjust the soul’s trajectory and your overall health. Overload and rest, overload and rest—this is the secret.
Guideline 1: Perception Planks (daily)
The core of your personality is held upright by the soul. Stand up straight. Imagine yourself as a mighty tree standing tall, proud, and defiant. You are strong. You are stoic. You are effortlessly absorbing the negative air in through your leaves, processing it into rich energy so as to sustain your being. With each ring, your life force increases. Perception is everything—perceive yourself to be the lungs of your world. Word.
Guideline 2: Depression Presses (as needed)
If it comes from nowhere, it can certainly be pressed back to nowhere. Imagine your sads, your funks, your depressions as plates upon one end of a weight bar. It is impossible to pick up like this, with one end so unevenly weighted. Observe.
What plates are available to you to help balance this bar so that you may lift it? Suggested balance weights include passions that make you happy, socializing with positive people, and the plate of therapy. This bar cannot and should not be pressed alone. It’s a heavy one. Find a spotter. Once you have completed a successful press of the now-balanced weight, offer to spot others.
Guideline 3: Cultural Squats (ongoing)
A gym partner to the Rhythmical Rhyming Sets of the heart, Cultural Squats are designed to enrich and stimulate your soul quads with knowledge, awareness, and acceptance of “the other.” To perform correctly, one must squat in the center of things like art, cuisines, and other countries in an attempt to lift one’s soul via foreign stimuli. This gives the soul JUICE. Juice is natural. There is no synthetic juice. A thirsty soul can be fed easily by regular execution of cultural squats. Maintain form. Get JUICED!
While some argue that the weight of a soul—which is irrelevant here—is 21 grams, there can be no argument as to the longest ever Soul Train dance on record. This is listed in the Guinness World Records as being 536 people.
This is, in a word, impressive.
FAQs
My heart is swelling. What should I do?
Nothing. This is normal and indeed desired.
My mind is too open and there is a draft. Can I close a window?
Yes. Windows are fine—it’s the doors that are problematic. Keep the doors open. No locks. Put a screen on the door to allow airflow while preventing misinformation insect intrusion.
My soul is stained. What should I do?
Shit’ll buff out. And refer to the guidelines.
I think my heart is huge—so much poetry! Is there a prize?
The prize is being a good human, sometimes also referred to as being “a good egg.” That said, the Guinness World Record people state that to ensure a record is standardizable and verifiable, documented evidence must be provided. Photographic proof of the poetry of your heart may be hard to obtain, but we look forward to seeing it.
Will modifying my heart, mind, or soul void my warranty?
No. Modification does not void the warranty on a human following the above exercises, principles, and guidelines.
Good luck, human in training!
Go behind the scenes and see inspirations for this post👇
This week’s amends…
The Preference
by William Bronk
There is a sense in which the poems do
matter, as friends we love do. Where
are we, elsewhere? Often in trivial things: how
to paint the house, maybe, weed the ground;
but as well in some wanting, dismissing these,
not even waiting, listening, watching, there
and content to be there, wanting, content
with no one, nothing, preferring nothingness. 
On Rotation: “Godstar” by Psychic TV
It would be difficult not to love this. Yes, it is old - it aired on December 4, 1957 - but it is quite lovely. "Mars and Beyond" is an episode of Disneyland directed by Ward Kimball and narrated by Paul Frees. This episode discusses the possibility of life on other planets, especially Mars.
Via Messy Nessy
I don’t know if this should be in ears section or eyes section. It’s going here in the ephemera section. And now I will confess that I left it playing in the background while I was writing for quite some time. I’m glad it loops—though I won’t be playing it for 9 hours.
Via my friend John’s creative links newsletter.
Shameless Podcast Plug
Listen to audio versions of early issues of The Stream on my podcast, Field of Streams, available on 👉 all major podcasting platforms 👈
Here’s Apple